i just realised

i've been questioned twice

what i got for my GP

due to my apparent

poor spoken language

well i guess i've really slipped

away from my usual form

and my brain activity is just

shall i say

degenerating

perhaps i shld start

the mundane and troublesome

chore of reading up

to some what stimulate my brain

before i turn into a blob of meat and fat

T____T

zzz

the brain drain

how can i be happy?

when can i be happy?

will i ever be happy?

i guess i can know what this

simple emotion really is

this happiness

that i never will have

i've got 2 years to sit this out

its just like a hand of 2 Aces and 3 weenies

what a lousy hand seriously

i've really got to play my cards right

its one of those big life gambles for me

again...

i'll waste so many years

to reaffirm myself in society

is it really all worth it?

all those years more of studying

why are we simply just so tied down

by those dead books

by those dead requirements

by those rules set by people who are already dead

how far would i go?

how many times will i defeat myself

how many times will i triumph over myself

how many times will sit down frowning

how many times will i sigh with dismay

i cant even imagine...

i've been reduced to studying

some FASS course... its gonna be 3 long yrs

just to get back on track

would i really still want to continue

to study more again?

would i be able to support myself

pay the bills and tuition fees

simply put

can i survive in a place as unforgiving

as this place...

do i belong some where else?

where am i anyway...

X-Japan - Voiceless Screaming

I'm drowning in sadness
Falling far behind
I feel there is just no way out
Is there anyone there? Where am I?

Insanity and loneliness
Tear my painful heart
Broken heart keeps on going to beat
But it never stops bleeding

I've been waiting for love to come
Someone who wants to touch me inside
Memories of my yesterdays

Careless words and deeds
Masquerade of love
Gotta find my way outta here

I was blinded by dark desire
Over time I've been through it all
I'm crying my share of tears

What can I do
Will I make it through
I must be true to myself

Voiceless Screaming
Calling to me inside of my heart
Voiceless Screaming
Now is the time I got to speak out

Voice of faith, I'm starting to realize
Now my eyes can see
I have gone so far
I'm feeling breath of life

And I'm looking for love to reach
Someone I want to touch deep inside
Light shines on my sight of doubt
Don't be afraid
Move forward one step
Willing mind is what I have found at last

Voiceless Screaming
Calling to me inside of my heart
Voiceless Screaming
Now is the time I got to speak out

Voiceless Screaming
Calling to me inside of my heart
Knockin' on my soul's door
I believe in myself and trust what I do

Voiceless Screaming
Pain of the past still hurts me inside
Knockin' on my soul's door
I climb the stairs that lead me to Heaven



super insane song high key totally

but its really a very nice song

its time for poems again i guess

haha in the mood for figurative imagination


Painful Facade

as the rumbling train moves along

i rest my head on its walls

swaying and jerking as it would

my eyes sunken and bloodshot

staring blankly across the carriage

but deep within thoughts i am

thinking of how you'd fall asleep

with one hand by your face

where you would be smiling

as if in a sweet escape

from this cruel long day

how that peaceful you

would just make my day

how it made me smile without

even knowing it at all

and after awhile

you would suddenly awake

as if something nasty had startled you

and you'd give that silly look

on your face which was rosy

from resting on your palm

your hair would fall over your eyes

and suddenly just like that

you would look around

with that mysterious look

oh how i never understood you

how fascinating u were to me

and when you saw me

from within that cloak

you raise your hand and sweep

your hair back to reveal

that cheeky smile of yours

but yet my heart weeps

its in agony

its suffering

its being suffocated

i could feel this unthinkable pain

this overwhelming feeling

i don't even remember if i had

or could even breathe

i tear only on the inside

because all of my tears

have long been dried and wasted

on you my dear friend

the time you became a stranger

to live each day without you

was empty and miserable

how i yearn to see you

but yet each day

when i glimpse of you in the room

as i would hear your voice

sorrow from within doesnt subside

it gushes out like water

from a broken dam

my only comfort was that

you kept on smiling

but when times you didnt

i wondered if you who were down

were feeling as bad as i did

for it pains me more than anything

to see your face carry that emotionless

that dishearten look

but it all has to come to an end

for i know its too late

even though you might never know

how i told myself to forget

to move on without you

to exclude myself from you

to reside in my own pains

but what is this i'm doing now?

the train stops and as i head out

i know i'm just being a fool

my inner consciousness laugh

at how pitiful i am

how i torture myself

how i lose control of myself

as i continue to walk ahead

despite my logic telling me to stop

my heart wont stop beating

and as i alas stop

so did my heart

but when you came over

all i did was smile

but on the inside i was crumbling down

i'm being eaten from the inside

but what could i do

to numb this pain

but to play this sadist game

on myself

to carry this mask of mine

a mask that smiles

one that hides my weeping face

what is left of me

is a masked person

devoid of emotion

with a streak of tears

flowing from my hollowed eyes

Brushes: H-G
Designer: I