Wednesday, October 17, 2007
i've yet to engage myself
in intensive studying
ISM as steffi calls it
(PS: happy belated bday steffi lol)
but i've made some small and steady
progress so far and its keeping me
motivated and going
though odds are high and stuff
just try la wad to do
cant help it anyway rite now
lifes just like that just do what we can
(:
hopefully...
this last 13 days i can pull of a miracle
lol you never know huh haha
anw just received the NS enlistment thingy
i'm due Jan 14 2008 to go tekong
lol the tekong boy
haha anw its pretty early enlistment
but i'm fine with it
haha cos i'm only required to attend
a 5 day camp at tekong
and its back to sunny singapore (:
hoho
sexy man haha
anw just some self realization for awhile
realized despite my playful and wild character
i've kinda matured and grown this past yr
perhaps its just the reality hitting me
too hard
arhhhh
seriously got too many plans after A's
and too little time
hopefully all goes well
(:
still in doubts abt wad course
i shld take in uni...
and also dunno if i eligible not lol
oh wells all i know
is that after A levels
its gonna be period of my life
where there isnt gonna be studying
and there is gonna be hell loads of fun
and finally can get to go clubbin again
get some personal life back yeah
also really need to get back in shape
and do the stuff i always wanted to do
(:
anw that day i was having this strange dream
i dreamt that i would go to another JC
and live JC life all over again
like go back in time sial
think i was in the jc wif grey uni
cough cough
but dreams will be dreams
but it was a kinda interesting dream
like u know i realised
like how a different environment
can matter so much
haha
if only can like those movies
go be a spy in JC
relive the JC life haha
but by the time i'm out of NS
alamak alr too old to pull it off
haha
spoke at : 1:34 AM
Saturday, October 06, 2007
insensitive?
to you i may be just some retard
to you i may be of no significance at all
to you i'm some parasite
without initiative living off others
whilst complaining about everything else
to you i'm just the silly fool
the fool who doesnt study
and is insensitive
do you even bother about me?
did u ever?
if u have, den you would know
what kind of person i am
so what if i spout rubbish everyday?
its just for fun
so what if i'm never serious
do you really want to see me serious?
of all the things i've done for u
of all the things i said to u
not once
did i ever
had ill intentions for you
was i insensitive about you
even if i did, i was well aware
and treated it as a joke
if u didnt like it you could have told me
i would stop
but i heard no such cry
the only cries i heard
were those of stress
hopelessness and of help
and every time i would respond
i would be there
i would try my best to help you
i would try my best to cheer you on
so what am i to you really?
not even a friend?
just some insensitive ass?
you are the only true friend i can
honestly and proudly call
you know my secrets
you know my woes
but i dont know much about yours
to me your the only one i feel actually safe around
because i thought i knew you
i thought i could trust you
everytime you would glare at me
you would roll your eyes
that didnt bother me
cause i knew it was just my daily dose
of corny rubbish that i dished out
but maybe deep down inside
you just looked down upon me
maybe u just always had this image of me
that i was a useless bum
WOW nice blank space (:
i was never serious and always playful
that i cant study and couldnt make it far
maybe
i would never know
but to me
someone i friend, is a friend for life
friendship to me is utmost important in my life
my empty life
and now
i've been shattered by your merciless words
those words who throw out so recklessly
with so much conviction
with such an indifferent attitude
it all seemed true
it all seemed too clear
if u really think i'm that bad
if you really think i were that insensitive
wouldnt you have known long time ago?
and i can tell you
thats not me
perhaps you will never know the real me
because i feel you are no longer one
i can reveal myself to anymore
i hate this feeling
its not right
i am at fault i wont deny
but what did i do actually?
i mean just a simple complain
did it really deserve such harsh words?
did i really deserve?
okay so i'm a loser huh
i dont take studying seriously
i dont take things into my own hands
feeding off others
causing an inconvenience to others
i am really such a detestable person
i am parasite
if it were all true
den so it shall be
for i have really given up everything
i held dear
you people i trust
you i trust
no more
no superficial apologies can amend this wound
no cheap excuses can blow this away
if you really feel so
let me know
for least even if i were that bad
i could change for the better
but still
for you if you still dont know
a cry for you
for i am broken
by you
my only true friend i hold dear
spoke at : 2:38 AM
my life is cursed
my life is burdened
really shouldnt let anyone
be entangled in this messed up life
of mine and this dammit lousy mess
everyday hurtful words are exchanged
everyday there is no peace
everyday someone will be angry
everyday someone will lie in hate
someone will sigh with despair
someone will be struck with problems after problems
someone would be accused
someone would be tormented
this is just a cursed life
a lousy life
a one messed up since the start
spoke at : 2:33 AM