I can’t breathe
I’m being smothered
by something I can’t quite put my finger on
in spite of knowing that the prelims and ultimately
the big A's are drawing quickly as with each day
passing so aimlessly and unproductively
i am still procrastinating
i can well say that this blog entry is proof of that
i know, but i aint doing anything o.O hmmm
theres so many things i wanna do
but there just so many restrictions
binding me down from my freedom
one of those shackles is time
anyway this really is the time to mature up
i have no direction in life
i dunno wad i'm gonna do next time
job prospects? i dunno
20 years down
what will i become?
will i still be as useless as i am today?
always not achieving anything
always alone and broken?
20 years down will i look back in regret?
all this burden and pressure all packed into this few months
crucial time i must say
for if i screw up my A's
its pretty much the hard life the hard way
from then on
with news reports that even straight As students cant get a
place in university for whatever reason
prospects of me getting anywhere is... i dunno
its just scary
education in all of its noble cause
has been reduced in my eye
as a tool to buy u a chance in life
buy u a right to choose in life
money making tool perhaps?
knowledge waste after we leave college and start working
is so unbelievable i kinda makes me wonder
why are we even learning this anyway
but since life here is so
one can only just accept it
well since i'm not rich kid
i dont have the mobility money can buy
i cant be sponsored to study abroad
i cant migrate to live the laid back life we all want
i'm losing faith
no wonder money corrupts
cos even though we dont need it technically
it is a necessity to lead a happy enjoyable life
a life with choices
a life with freedom
what have we all become...
being toyed about by fate, life and money
i refuse to bow to such restrictions
i refuse
i dun give a fuck anymore
it seems apparent
my life is in my hands
is this a fear?
a fear of reality?
a fear of being poor?
a fear of being incapable?
whatever it is
seems like the only way is to live life
strive to live the life i want
that will be my goal
i must get it