sajc? a new start, or a one way ticket to a derailed detrimental jc life? hmmmm
well i'm trying to be as optimistic as i possibly can... but u noe we all have limits, and my current level of determination to strive on is seriously at its limit. i can juz crumble anytime, no joke. period.
firstly, i tot it would be an all smooth sailing journey in sajc as i transfer over from mjc, but i was utterly wrong. firstly, my OG is rather cold. basically 80% of them are in sajc for the first 3mnths and they all know each other very well already, and to them the 2nd orientation is a bother and stuff. so i'm quite left out, the only person i can turn to is my fellow VS classmate, darren. haha (:
out of place was the feeling i had for a couple of days, and also deep deep nostalgy for my good friends all back at mjc and some at other jcs... i was the only one who went sajc. and i usual personally of being very hyper, on and enthu was totally dampened and a weird quiet and loner facade somehow took over. it was quite bad. =
for dat period, i felt quite lousy and decided this is seriously not gonna be it for me. i juz couldnt accept it, it was bullshit! shoo... i decided to take the initiative instead den, to get to noe my OG mates (: and through the activities of orientation like ice breakers and team events etc, i've gradually gotten to known to more prodominant and active few. this was consoling enuf for me. hahajuz went i've gotten to know a few friends, we've all gotta be split up into new CGs... and to utter despair, no one from my OG is in my current CG, 06S21, WHICH ROCKS! RARRR :P hehe
den i juz realised sajc doesnt offer me the subject combination i wish to take up. and u noe wad freaking stupid answer the teacher gave me?
"Oh! SAJC doesnt offer that particular subject combination is because H2 Chemistry would clash with H2 Geog lectures, and our timetabling cannot sort out a suitable schedule for this combination..."
i was like totally... DOTS DIAO?! firstly is it really such a big problem? wad kind of stupid timetable forming software are they using?! LOL?? and the timetable now isnt very much ideal anyway.... so stupid... (>__<)
den as CCA selection day drew nearer, i kept hearing abt JC1 bowlers going KL for a training trip during the march holidaes. so i was like, wow so fast? hmmm cool, seems like sajc bowling team are very on type.
den when i spoke to the bowling teacher in charge, he arrogantly dismissed me and with much disgusting
gayness to his language, he claimed the bowling team for guys is full and they're not taking in any more bowlers, neither are they taking in 2nd intake bowlers. i was like totally?! wad the?! got such thing?!
desvastated, without a proper subject combi, without cca... i realli felt dat i dun belong at sajc at all... and i should have stayed back at mjc, where i had alreadi established myself very well and all... oh those nostalgic memories... :( at dat point i seriously was considering of appealing BACK to mjc, well at least i noe i'm more welcomed there. but the thing was i couldnt. i went back to crash mjc and i was in awe struck when i saw the long long human chain of pple trying to appeal in to mjc! total count was around 270+ present there, not counting those who appeal via mail or letters etc.
and besides i saw many of my frens, who are also trying to get back to mjc from lousier places... and some of them are really in a sorry state, like one who got 13 and was posted to pioneer! wad the?! den i reflected, since i'm in already a very good institution, why greed for more? shld really give other less fortunate pple a chance, a shot at it. i was in a conscience dilemma...
i really didnt know wad to do.. i was shoo lost... couldnt turn to anyone for help either. throughout my whole life, i've been beside pple in depression, pple in deep plights of problems, all sorts of nonsense, many times i was there to help them... to council them... LOL i'm telling u i can become a public councillor or social worker next time... haha
but many times, when i myself face seemingly unsolvable and overwhelming problmes, i lose my sense, i cant council myself, and i slip for the worse... hai... but i've decided to FORGET, juz FORGET ABT EVERY DAMN THING and accept God's plan for me... if it is really so agonizingly so...
over the past few days in sajc, interacting wif my new cg mates, we've bonded quite well and i've made many new, cool n funky frens (: haha starting to get use to the lifestyle at sajc, starting to settle down. beginning to like sajc more and more by the day.
haha todae the lessons were FREAKING BORING... especially chinese... terribleeee...!!! omfg... cannot tahan alreadi... (>___<)
but todae, wednesday, cca day, by the mere sight of seniors and jc1s strolling into school with their bowling bags... some of them i know personally... seeing them gathering at the canteen... it juz spoilt my day... and i was quite disturbed, though i didnt really show it.
the whole dae i tried not to think abt it, but it seems it juz keeps haunting me. and worst still... after school... juz before dance prac, i saw the whole bowling team assembling outside the cultural centre... all the bowling bags and all... abt to board the bus to go for training... den i remembered how back at mjc, every wednesday we would gather with the usual gang and everyone would be smiling and lookin forward to training... taking the bus to Safra Tampines for bowling... my heart turned sour n bitter all at the same time... God, or anyone, please help me... should i continue to try and join the bowling team? should i plead to the teacher? should i juz have private training on my own... wad should i do?